I apologize for not having the proprer time to write about a few things that I know would satisfy your cravings for all things, "Me". However, my generosity know no limits and I shall leave you with a vintage blog from my "Bunny" years. A little treat, topped with vulgar sprinkles, all at my own expense!
Without further ado, I present to you, "Cunt Face". Special guest appearance by Dad.
Cunt Face....(A Bunny Myspace Blog 2008) So, my sadistic little readers, you've all read my stories about getting Lazer hair removal. After my last entry, which coincidentally happend to be my last visit, I found myself with 2nd degree burns along the left side of my jaw and, to date, the same man-beard that I went in with. I let a year pass, which was plenty of time for those little "dead" hairs to grow up and fall out of my face. But, they still keep growing and have yet to fall out. So, after watching Christopher Knight visit a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon on "Dr. 90210", with amazing results...I began to think that maybe something was not right. I mean, the machine was totally different. It took less than the hour that I spend and he even had his ears and nostrils done, which obviously can't be comfortable but he wasn't jumping and twitching as I remember doing while only having my face done. I decided to research a bit and find out why he looked so comfortable and had great results and I didn't. Now, just FYI, you're ALL aware that I have an INCREDIBLE tolerance for pain. That last lazer treatment of mine damn near caused fecal incontinence...right on the table. But, I thought I felt extremely comfortable with my doctor's office as they were the same women that delivered my healthy, beautiful daughter. Alas, hindsight is always 20/20. I fucked up. Plain and simple. I let my personal 'connection' with this office influence my decision to let someone zap my face. They went to a weekend seminar and got trained to use a low end lazer machine, to employ in their practice, to rake in money from bored, vain, hairless old women with money to spend. Now, it isn't to say that some women there lucked out with great results. They just didn't go in there looking like a Silver Back Gorilla and have my family genes. So, I finally found a place that is bonafide. They don't serve pizzas during the day and do lazer treatments in the back...this is their sole practice. There are plastic surgeons manning the entire office. The equipment is the latest and greatest and exactly what they used on Christopher Knight. I have to come off blood thinners first, but I seem a great candidate. My parents, taking pity on their poor German/Scottish-ape-daughter, have decided to foot this bill in hopes to enable me to go longer than 4 hours without shaving my face, permanently. BUT THAT'S NOT THE STORY! I KNOW!! So, today, I go to pick up my Mom and leave the baby with 'Dad Dad'. As I wait for Mom, Dad is asking me questions and is genuinely concerned that I won't suffer any more unnecessary pain or wind up with any type of damage to my skin tissue. He tells me he just doesn't want to see me wind up like people on t.v. Then for, further clarification, he tells me that he doesn't want to see me wind up like a lady on t.v. that had to replace skin tissue on her lips with a skin graph from her vaginal area. We looked at each other. Then we LOOKED at each other. It began... DAD: I can see it now, we'll all be out somewhere and you'll get separated from us at the store and I'll call for you, "Hey CUNTFACE!" Some old lady will walk by, gasp, and look at you and then look at me, in horror, and we'll have to explain, "No, REALLY, she has a cunt face." ME: I'll have to constantly have a mint in my mouth, and not because of my breath, but because my lips are stinky. DAD: You won't use Scope after brushing your teeth anymore, you'll have to rinse with Masengil. (laughing hysterically now) ME: People will ask what that white stuff is on my lips and you'll have to tell them its toilet paper... DAD: HEY CUNTFACE! ME: I'll have to get lazer treatment again...but I'll be the newest case ever. I won't have hair growing around my lips, I'll have hair growing ON my lips!
DAD: Your dentist uses a GYN tool to open your mouth for a cleaning!
ME: I fart, sitting down, and the bubble pops through my lips..
DAD: HEY CUNTFACE! I told Mom, she didn't think we were funny.
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